hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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