Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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