do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
