had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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