I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
