Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
