Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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