I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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