That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
