i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
