If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
