How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
