Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
