Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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