The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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