what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
