And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my shit smells like andre
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
