we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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