Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
