Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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