i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
