I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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