the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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