Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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