I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
