really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
