I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
