dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
