People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
