Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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