WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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