Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still dying that you shit outside
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
