walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
