he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
