Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
