he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
