You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm like, not good at living.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
