just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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