I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
