Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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