My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
