We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
