The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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