I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
