sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
