If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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