I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
