the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
