its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
