meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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