the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
birth control should be required to get into college
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need to align my fucking chakras
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
