Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
