A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
