His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
