I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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