then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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