she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
