Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Damn victory sex feels great
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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