Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
